“At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” -Matthew 18:1-4
In my near seven years of parenting I am sure that God has illustrated His love, grace, discipline & compassion a countless number of times, through my relationship with my daughter, Angelique. But now God has made it very clear to me to start writing these lessons down. God’s voice is constant, distinct and beautiful. My prayer for myself (and anyone reading this) is to continue to hear his voice and do His will.
June 6, 2009
It’s a typical Sunday evening, about a quarter to 7pm. Angelique and I are at the church’s Ministry Center, gearing up for “Pursuit”, the young adults’ ministry service. However, I am not in my usual spot, greeting and welcoming people in. I am in the office, on the couch trying to get rid of my headache.
She quickly gets bored, having just her ill mother to play with. She soon spots a nice, clean dry erase board and her eyes light up with excitement from the possibilities. She quickly asks me, “What do you want me to draw?” I reply with the first thing that comes to my mind, “a bunny!”
She pauses for a moment, with a scrunched up, uncomfortable look on her face, and replies back, “I don’t know how to draw a bunny.” I try to encourage her, “you can do it, just try!”
After some arguing back and forth, I finally convince her that she is capable of drawing a bunny rabbit. She is still so unsure of herself, saying things to me like “I’ve never drawn one before. It’s going to be ugly.” But I am glad that she does it anyway, because she loves me. There is much concentration on her part, until her masterpiece is done. She then says, “I made my bunny, but it came out ugly.”But when I saw it, I thought it was the cutest thing ever! I loved every little quirky detail. I loved that it was unique and original. I quickly told Angelique how much I liked it and told her I want to take pictures of it. Her confidence increased with each compliment given.
She then said, “Okay, I’m going to write cursive too!” She looked around for what to write and found Pursuit’s slogan key words on the wall “TELL, TRAIN, TAKE”. She begins again to meticulously craft out her new creation on the board, frequently erasing and redoing many parts (that, in my opinion didn’t need to be redone).
And then after all of her hard work, she starts to cover the board with her body and says, “No, no, no, it’s UGLY. I want to erase it!”
I am speechless. Here in front of my eyes is the most beautiful “first time bunny” I’ve ever seen, 
alongside cursive writing that does not look like it could be from a first grader, AND the artist about to wipe it off the face of the earth. With her hand on the eraser, held up to the board, I tell her “don’t you dare erase it! I want to take a picture!” She responds with much anxiety, “no, it’s ugly. Let me do it over again!” I remind her that she drew it for me in the first place and that I think it’s absolutely gorgeous. I would not change a single thing about it. After much convincing, she starts to see that it is not nearly as bad as she once thought it was. She was even a little proud of herself, and asked to be in a picture with it.
alongside cursive writing that does not look like it could be from a first grader, AND the artist about to wipe it off the face of the earth. With her hand on the eraser, held up to the board, I tell her “don’t you dare erase it! I want to take a picture!” She responds with much anxiety, “no, it’s ugly. Let me do it over again!” I remind her that she drew it for me in the first place and that I think it’s absolutely gorgeous. I would not change a single thing about it. After much convincing, she starts to see that it is not nearly as bad as she once thought it was. She was even a little proud of herself, and asked to be in a picture with it.God reminded me that I often act the same way as Angelique. With great excitement I ask Him, “What would you like me to do, dad?” and then He gives His answer. My reply is, “But I can’t do that. I’ve never done that before.” He then exhorts and encourages me that I can do it. To my surprise, I can actually do what He asks of me and yet, so often I still doubt that my works are “good enough”. Then when I hear the voice of approval from God, I have the confidence to do more. But while doing more, I often find that it’s more difficult than expected. I find myself “erasing and redoing” many parts because of my sometimes perfectionist nature. Then, when I look back and see that things are not perfect in my own eyes, I tell God, “That’s it, I’m done. I’m erasing it!” This is when He reminds me that I am just simply doing what He asked me to do. It is perfect in His eyes and His opinion is the only one that matters (even my own doesn't count). God reminds me that even when I feel inadequate, He still delights in me.
Lesson Learned: Our heavenly father is pleased when we obey him, especially when we step out in faith, doing things that are new to us. I am sure there are even times when we are trying to hide our work in shame, thinking that it's not good enough, but He is the parent with the camera just waiting to take a picture of our masterpiece, because he is just so tickled and pleased by our effort & obedience. Regardless of the outcome of our effort, He still delights in us...more than we’ll ever know.
"The LORD detests men of perverse heart but he delights in those whose ways are blameless." Proverbs 11:20
